A few years ago I had a very definite routine to writing a blog. Once a week I’d sit down and just hit the keyboard. I used to look forward to the process of teasing out my own ideas, and had a target of 500 words each time I sat down.

I had a journal with a few pages of ideas and themes that I would explore, and had built up a reasonable audience for my ramblings, who kindly shared on (mostly) Facebook and Twitter.

And yet, in the past few years I have not written much at all. And why?

The chief reason, I think, is grief. My younger brother died from a sudden heart attack in 2018. I could never have expected the depth to which this has affected me.

Apart from grief, there was the incredibly mundane, yet grueling, task of dealing with his estate. For a period of 18 months I was dealing with emails and documents where every subject line included ‘Finbar Hurley, deceased’.

Each and every email was a bit of a kick in the gut, reminding me of our loss.

That and the failing health of my father sapped any will I had to write. And the longer I stayed away from writing, the harder I found it to return to what was an enjoyable activity.

And so, here I am. Trying to get back into a habit of writing over six years later.

The old adage is that you should write about what you know. Well, in the past 6 years I have come to know grief. I have come to know how differently it an affect you, and that it can be totally unpredictible.

My brother Finbar died suddenly. We had no warning, no time to prepare. I can honestly say that it was a full two years before I felt normal again.

While I know some of the theories of grief (5 stages, etc), reality is something totally different. A bit like describing a stubbed toe, compared to actually stubbing your toe.

And so, bit by bit, I fell out of a habit that actually gave me satisfaction. Amazing how that can happen.

And how to overcome writer’s block? Forget about perfectionism. Many writers have written about their process. How they just sit down to write, and worry about tidying up the narrative later.

So. Wish me luck. Time to get back on this particular track.

And no – I didn’t aim for 500 words this time!