New Years Resolutions.

Last year I didn’t even do one.  I kinda didn’t see the point.  I mean, how much do people change over a year anyway?

Look at the whole phenomenon of those who join the gym (sorry if you’re one) but on average they pretty much give up after 6 weeks.  At least that’s according to the friendly guy in the gym beside our school (where I didn’t join this year.  Um.)

Anyway, I’ve started thinking that maybe New Years Resolutions don’t have to be about the hard stuff – they don’t have to be about what takes away from your enjoyment of life, they don’t have to be a drain on your resources.

There is a movement in Psychology called ‘Positive Psychology’, where the founder has put forward the idea of ‘follow your bliss’.  Find what gives you live, find what gives you energy, and chase that.  Do what something you enjoy, something you love.

So, on that basis I’m rethinking this whole Resolution business.  I mean, what do I actually like to do?

I’m focusing on three things as my resolution.  Guitar, Photography, Blog.

I love playing music, and it’s more enjoyable if I have something to aim for, and am learning some new stuff.  Hopefully this year I’ll get to play some more gigs, but the thing I like is that I’m better at guitar now than I was last year.

Photography is something that pretty much anybody can get into.  Grab a phone and away you go.  However, sometimes it’s nice to have some inspiration.  And for this I like Google Plus.  The feature whereby you can take an existing circle and just incorporate it into your feed is very, very impressive.  I have a circle of photographers that I follow, and their work is inspirational (and beautiful).  Some of them are very nice and post tips on how they get those fabulous shots.  If you’re interested, click here for that G+ circle.

And blogging.  In August I thought that I’d give this a bit of a shot, and am getting to like it more and more.  Why blog?  Well, sometimes I feel strongly about an issue, I have an opinion, and I have a forum where I can share my thoughts.  Sometimes blogging simply helps me work out what I’m thinking about something.  A post a week seems a reasonable target…

So that’s it.  Simple really.  I hope to play & sing more; I hope to take more photos (and maybe put them up here); and I hope to blog more. All of these are things that give me joy, give me energy.  Hope I can keep it up!

I wrote this in 2011 following the publication of the Cloyne Report. The report dealt with how officials in the diocese failed to protect children from abusers. As past employee of the diocese I felt betrayed and disgusted at how the victims had been let down.

To anyone who has not been on this planet in the past ten days, we have seen the publication of the Cloyne Report and the landmark speech by Enda Kenny in response to the report.

For anyone not familiar with the above – the Cloyne Report details how, over the years from 1996 to 2009, 2 men in particular dealt with abuse cases within the diocese. These men are Bishop John Magee and Monsignor Denis O’Callaghan.
The report found that the Diocese did not implement Child Protection Guidelines – in short, men who abused children were not reported to the Gardai and in some cases, documents were falsified.
Bishop Magee has been forced to retire, and the diocese is now being administered by Archbishop Clifford.
During the past week Enda Kenny, made a powerful speech about the Cloyne Report, and the fact that in the report the Vatican is mentioned as having a role to play in the cover up of abuse cases.

In all of this, the first concern has to be the victims of abuse. The adults and children who had their childhood destroyed by men of evil. By men who should face the courts and be hit with the full force of the law.

As a father, and as a catholic, I have been shocked by all that has been revealed.
I have been shocked that men who claim to uphold the values of Christ should instead protect and hide acts of evil, and those who perpetrate them.
As one who studied for priesthood for Cloyne Diocese I have come to know a number of priests. The vast majority of the priests I know are not just good and decent – some of them are great men. They have sacrificed what I would consider a normal life, so that they can be there for others.
These priests I know have been very let down by the hierarchy – by the official church’s dealing with abuse cases. They are disgusted, they are dismayed. As I am disgusted and dismayed.

One of the deeply disturbing aspects of all of this is that no lessons were learnt. Ireland was first shocked by clerical child abuse when we heard the name Brendan Smyth. He was arrested in 1994, and by 1999 the church in Ireland had the document “Children First” – a set of guidelines for child protection.
What is outlined in the Cloyne Report happened after these guidelines were published.
What happened in Cloyne happened because the guidelines were ignored.
What happened in Cloyne led to more people being hurt, being abused.

Enda Kenny’s speech captured the anger of a number of people (me included). It highlighted the fact that the Vatican seems to look at these cases as a legalistic exercise rather than a human tragedy.

I would love to think that the report and Enda Kenny’s speech will change these men. That the officialdom that stifled reporting will recede and that humanity will prevail, both in the Irish Church and the Vatican.
However, the signs are not good.
In the past week, some of the commentators on the radio have already started quoting Canon Law and trying to shift blame. This is protection of the institution – not support of the victims.

I hope, I pray that things will change. I hope and pray that the victims will get the support and the comfort they need and deserve.
Godbless
John.

On Friday 9th September (2011) I had the opportunity to attend a conference on suicide organised by Console. Console is a national organisation in Ireland dedicated to supporting those bereaved by suicide.

There was a range of speakers who were excellent – but coming away, should I feel optimistic or full of despair? Why these two choices? Well, first, look at the situation of suicide in this country.

486 people died by suicide in Ireland in 2010. In the same year 212 people died in Ireland on the road. Globally, over 1,000,000 people die by suicide. That’s more than war and murder combined. And that’s not the end of the hurt. One speaker estimated that for every suicide, 6 people are profoundly affected. That is, 6 people are affected to the extent that they will never forget, and never lose the scars of the hurt of losing someone close in this manner. So, you can see that there is plenty of reason to fear what’s going on.

Why do so many people die by suicide? There is no single identified cause. And the causes can vary from men to women, depend on the age of the victim, and depend on the social background of the victim.

Some of the emotions that underlie male suicide are:
Depression; Shame (over job loss, for example); Guilt (again, job loss, for example); Unhealthy grief (fellas don’t cope very well with the breakdown in a relationship); anger/rage; jealousy.
If a male is unable to deal with these emotions (many of them normal in a given situation), or if they try to suppress these emotions, then they may enter a downward spiral.

The spiral does not always end in suicide. People sometimes help themselves, they may get help from friends, they may get help from professionals. However, it is very important that they know that help is available.
Suicide is preventable. That is worth repeating. Suicide can be prevented.

Of the 486 people who died in Ireland by suicide in 2010, 386 were male and 100 were female. Four times as many fellas die by suicide as girls do. So, what can we do to help in this situation?

Well, know what some of the warning signs are:
Change in behaviour
Chronic tiredness, loss of ability to sleep
Loss of enjoyment of things that a person used to enjoy
Forgetfulness, poor concentration
Low self esteem
Impulsive behaviour

Don’t be afraid to ask the question:
If you’re worried about someone who you think may take their life, ask them if they are thinking of it.
The experts agree that asking the question doesn’t put the idea in someone’s mind. There are gentle ways of asking. For example: “Many people who have been through what you have been through think of suicide. Are you thinking of suicide?”

Don’t be afraid of the answer:
If someone does admit having thoughts of suicide to you, then that can be a very scary moment (for both of you). Try to stay calm, and assure the person that they did the right thing telling you, and that you can help them.

Know who to contact:
In Ireland our G.P is usually the first port of call for any illness. This is the same for suicidal thoughts. G.Ps are unshockable in this respect. Call the person’s G.P and explain the situation.
If the G.P is unavailable, and you think that the person is in immediate danger of taking their own life, call SouthDoc or get the person to your local A&E department.

Some numbers:
http://www.Console.ie 01 610 2638
1Life suicide helpline 1800 24 7 100 http://www.1life.ie
http://www.aware.ie 1890 303 302
Samaritans 1850 60 90 90 http://www.samaritans.org

There are many more available – but these are just a few for starters.

If you read this far then Suicide is already something that concerns you. In that case I hope that what I’ve written will be of some use to you.
Take care, and God Bless,
John.

A friend of mine died last weekend.
His name was Fr. Sean O’Driscoll and he was a very good man. 

I first got to know Sean 9 years ago when I began my studies for an MA in School Chaplaincy.  Sean was one of my lecturers.  Sean had two jobs with my group – he lectured us, and he supervised our day to day interactions with students.

As a lecturer Sean was always well prepared, concise and informative.  His topics included issues such as Suicide, Self Harm, Rape, Abuse, Bullying. 

After I completed my studies, I remained friends with Sean, met for an occasional coffee, and later he became my supervisor for my own counselling/chaplaincy work within my school. 

Sean loved life.  In his home you would be treated to nice tea or coffee – he loved hosting.  He loved nice things in life – his art, his friendships.

At the funeral I learnt things about Sean that I had never suspected – he had a private pilots licence, spoke fluent spanish, and once had hair & a beard.

The funeral itself was arranged by Sean himself months ago.  Typically of him, he did not do things in the conventional manner.
He was cremated earlier in the week, and as you entered the Church of the Resurrection in Farranree in Cork you received a booklet with a picture of Sean plus his bio, along with the readings & hymns for the mass.

At the top of the church was the same portrait of Sean, beside his urn.  At this point I began to cry.  This was final.

The mass itself was a celebration of his life and his faith.  People sang their hearts out, people replied at full volume to all the responses, people cried, people laughed.  And afterwards, people hung around & chatted. 

Sean died from skin cancer.  He was diagnosed just over a year ago, at the age of 50.  He was 51 when he died, and that is so young. 
Throughout his illness he was in good form. Many times he told me his spirits were good.  At the funeral it came out that he believed that prayers from many different people gave him the grace to deal with his illness. 
Anyone who knew Sean will appreciate having known him, and having had him as an influence in their lives.
I am blessed for having known him, and so, so much poorer now that he is gone.
Sean, goodbye my friend.  I’ll miss you.